Sound familiar?
You finally stopped working. So why do you feel like you’re doing it wrong?
- Someone asks what you do all day, and you hear yourself making excuses.
- Everyone says find a purpose, join a club, stay busy. You just want your coffee and your quiet.
- A few months in, the shine wore off. You’re tired, and you don’t know why.
- Your spouse asks what the plan is for today. There isn’t one, and that’s the point.
- The people you worked with for 30 years stopped calling. You didn’t see that coming.
Nothing is wrong with you. Nobody hands you a map for this part, so I wrote one.
What you were told, and what works instead
You need a purpose or you’ll wither.
You need a reason to put your shoes on. It can be a small one.
Stay busy.
Busy was the job. Quiet is the pay. Fill the days only as much as you want to.
Get out there and make new friends.
Quiet isn’t lonely. There’s a simple way to tell the two apart, and it’s on one page.
Travel while you still can.
Go if you want to. Not travelling isn’t a waste of a retirement.
You’ll know what to do once you’re retired.
I hit a flat spot around month seven, and a lot of retirees say the same. It eased for me. If it doesn’t for you, talk to your doctor; in the US, call or text 988.
Real pages from the book
Look inside
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What’s inside You Earned the Quiet
You Earned the Quiet: the first five years after work on the Slow Route, one month at a time, so you always know where you are and that you’re doing fine.
| # | Part | Page |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Start Here: Find Your Month. Start Here: Find Your Month. The 60-month map, three questions to find where you are, and your month’s page; finished in one sitting with your coffee. | 10 |
| 2 | Year One: The Honeymoon, the Flat Spot and Why You’re So Tired. Year One: The Honeymoon, the Flat Spot and Why You’re So Tired. Months 1-12, one page each: what each month often feels like, the flat spot Cal hit around month seven (a lot of retirees describe one), and the small things that helped. | 15 |
| 3 | Permission: You Don’t Owe Anyone a Purpose. Permission: You Don’t Owe Anyone a Purpose. The advice you were given (find a purpose, stay busy, get out there, travel while you can) and why you don’t have to take it; the permission list. | 40 |
| 4 | Quiet Isn’t Lonely: The Solitude Check. Quiet Isn’t Lonely: The Solitude Check. Six questions that tell the good quiet from the kind that wears you down, and what to do if it’s the second. | 44 |
| 5 | Two Rhythms Under One Roof. Two Rhythms Under One Roof. You and your spouse home all day: the morning talk, the ‘what’s the plan today?’ answer, and the talk sheet to fill in together. | 48 |
| 6 | The Friends Who Were Colleagues. The Friends Who Were Colleagues. Why work friends drift off, why it isn’t about you, and how to keep the one or two who matter. | 52 |
| 7 | Years Two to Five: When It Settles. Years Two to Five: When It Settles. Months 13-60, one page each: when nobody asks anymore, what still surprises you, and what holds up. | 55 |
| 8 | Still Deciding? Before Your Last Day. Still Deciding? Before Your Last Day. What the first months really feel like, said plainly, so they don’t catch you off guard (feelings only, no money). | 152 |
| 9 | From Year 13: What Holds Up. From Year 13: What Holds Up. The things that were worth it, the worries that never came true, and the one thing Cal would do sooner. | 156 |
A few things you’ll find out
- Why I went flat around month seven, and what helped
- The one-line answer to ‘what do you do all day?’ that ends the conversation kindly
- Six questions that tell solitude from loneliness
- What happened when my wife retired two years after me, and the talk that saved our mornings
- Why the friends from work drift off, and the one who didn’t
- What year three feels like, when nobody asks anymore
No money, health or legal advice. Just the years, honestly told.
Why I wrote it
Thirty-four years of a 4:30 alarm
I carried mail for 34 years. Every workday my alarm went off at 4:30. When I retired at 62, I put that clock in the kitchen drawer. It’s still there, stopped at 4:30.
The first months were wonderful. Then, around the seventh, I went flat. I was tired, short with my wife, and I felt guilty for doing nothing. Everybody told me to find a purpose. Nobody told me it was normal.
Thirteen years later, I can tell you how it goes, month by month: what’s normal, what isn’t, and what holds up. The quiet holds up.
This is the book I wish someone had left in my mailbox the week I retired.
Cal Visser
Is it for you?
It’s for you if
- You’ve retired in the last few years, or you’re about to
- You like the quiet, and you’re tired of being told to fill it
- You hit a flat spot and want to know if it’s normal
- You and your spouse are both home now and still finding your rhythm
It’s not for you if
- You want money, Social Security or investment advice
- You want a schedule of activities and goals
- You need help with low mood that won’t lift (please see your doctor)
What it won’t do
It won’t plan your money, your health or your days for you. If a low mood lasts more than a couple of weeks, talk to your doctor. In the US, call or text 988 in a crisis.
One man’s map
It’s my 13 years and what retirees commonly say, not a study. Your months may run faster or slower. That’s fine too.
Get You Earned the Quiet today
You Earned the Quiet (PDF and EPUB, printable at home)
- Start Here: find your month in about 20 minutes, with your coffee
- The 60-month map: the first five years on one page
- 60 month pages: what’s normal, what isn’t, one small thing to try
- Permission: the advice you can stop taking, and why
- The solitude check: six questions that tell good quiet from the wearing kind
- Two rhythms under one roof: the talk sheet for you and your spouse
- Printable cards: the ‘what do you do all day?’ card, the loose week and the Sunday-night card
Secure checkout. One payment. No subscription.
Right after you pay, the book lands in your email. Open the Start Here page first and find your month. It takes about 20 minutes.
Every future update to the book is free for the life of the book.
The Return-to-Sender Promise
For 34 years, if something wasn’t meant for you, I sent it back, no questions. Same here. If the book doesn’t help within 30 days, write to me and you get every cent back. Keep the book.
Questions about the book
I’m not retired yet. Is it for me?
Yes. The Start Here part and the first year will show you what’s coming, so it doesn’t catch you off guard.
Is this going to tell me to find a purpose and stay busy?
No. It tells you that you don’t have to, and how to tell good quiet from the kind that wears you down.
Is there anything about money or Social Security?
No. That’s for a professional. This book is about the days, not the dollars.
My spouse is the one struggling. Will it help?
There’s a part on two rhythms under one roof, with a talk sheet you can fill in together.
Is it a paper book?
It’s a PDF and an EPUB you can read on a phone or tablet, or print at home. The pages you write on are made to print.
What if it’s not for me?
Write within 30 days and you get every cent back. Keep the book.
Why is there a timer?
The launch price runs while the clock on your screen runs. After that it goes to $37.
You earned the quiet.
Open the Start Here page with your coffee tomorrow morning, find your month, and see that you’re doing fine.
You earned the quiet. Cal
P.S. P.S. The first five years, 60 months on one page each, for $27, with the Return-to-Sender Promise: 30 days, every cent back, keep the book.